when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
