I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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