my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
