the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
