O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
