I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
