The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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