can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
