you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
