i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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