WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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