i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
