From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
