So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My bed is full of blood and feathers
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
