Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
