he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So squirting runs in the family.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
