Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
