I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
