If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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