worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
