So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
