I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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