I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
