I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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