I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
