Your face is a jimmy john
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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