A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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