i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
