guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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