He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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