if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
