I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
