Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
