I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
