neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
