i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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