Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
