I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
