david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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