Grow some girl-balls and come out already
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
