she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
