I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
