Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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