no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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