I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
