new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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