WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the day after is always just damage control
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
