I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
