i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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