kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
His nipple licking is glorious
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
