I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
